Being a good neighbour

Being a good neighbour is really just about being considerate of the people around you. People will think of you as a good neighbour if you make the effort to think about how your behaviour impacts them. ‘Treat others as you’d like to be treated’ is a good general rule for communal living. If you follow the terms of your resident contract, and don't break the regulations, you’ll probably be fine. So, don’t break the Smoke Free policy; don’t make loud noise late at night; don’t damage things or mess up communal areas, and so on. We can all take simple steps to keep the communal living areas clean and tidy, and ensure our noise doesn’t bother other people by closing windows and using headphones. As a general rule, if it annoys you when someone else does something, don’t do it yourself!

As well as this, trying to be open and friendly when someone else raises an issue can really help keep things positive in residences. Sometimes we all accidentally play music a little bit too loud, leave washing up in the kitchen too long, or use someone else's ketchup without realising. If someone comes to talk to you to explain how your behaviour has affected them, this is often really stressful for them. Don't fight fire with fire - if someone tells you why they think you're being a bad neighbour, don't get defensive and tell them why they're worse! Trying to be polite, calm and helpful in those conversations helps you both find a compromise, rather than descending into an argument you'll both regret! 

This seems obvious, but often, these things are a work-in-progress. Sometimes you’ll think you’re being considerate and everything is fine, right up until someone tells you otherwise! If this does happen, try not to be defensive, and work with the other person to understand how you can both live together peacefully.

There are lots of behaviours that could make you seem like a bad neighbour, maybe without you even realising it. Some of them are things you probably know you shouldn’t do, but others might be genuinely accidental. They all fall under the umbrella of inconsiderate behaviour, and any of them could be a breach of your residence contract, or the regulations, and could lead to disciplinary action. Here are some common issues.

Noise

Antisocial noise is guaranteed to upset your neighbours. This could be loud noise of any kind during the night, or just making unnecessary and unreasonably loud noise during the day. Consider making simple adjustments, like closing doors and windows, using headphones rather than speakers when playing music, and limiting the number of guests who visit you at any one time.  If the Security team is called to your address and reports that your noise was unreasonable, it’s likely you’ll face disciplinary action.

Cleaning and messiness

Mess and communal living issues can contribute to a hostile atmosphere in your flat. This includes things like not doing the washing up, not taking the bins out when it’s your turn, or leaving your personal items in the kitchen in everyone else’s way. If it’s hard for you all to do your bit to keep the flat tidy, speak to your Residence Life Mentor and they can help you all agree some shared flat rules with a Community Living Agreement (CLA). If you’ve had a CLA meeting already, but things aren’t working out, don’t worry, just let your Mentor know, so you can meet again and change it.

Damage

Damage and vandalism are common sources of tension in residences. Many people don’t realise that everyone has a contractual responsibility to report any damage in the accommodation, and that you might be required to pay for any repairs needed as a result of your, or your guests’, behaviour. Sometimes people only learn this when damage has already been caused, a disciplinary investigation is underway, and the Contracts team have charged you for repair costs. Flatmates and other people in your block can get very upset if you and your guests have caused damage that they might have to pay for. If you’ve been involved in something like this, it’s usually best to take responsibility proactively, rather than letting your flatmates share the blame (and the cost!).

Jokes and pranking

Pranking, or playing practical jokes, can be very risky in a communal living setting. It’s easy to take things too far, or accidentally end up causing real damage, or upsetting someone without intending to. Pranks often go wrong and become genuine feuds that make everyone stressed. They sometimes even end in disciplinary action. If you’re part of a pattern of practical jokes and pranking, be careful to make sure you’re not breaking any rules, or making any individual feel targeted or bullied. Check in with other people to make sure you’re all having a good time, and that nothing that’s happening is risky or breaking the rules. It’s worth remembering that even if you’re all in on the joke, you could still end up being investigated for misconduct... so keep things safe!

Fire safety issues

Smoking inside, setting off fire alarms and messing around with fire equipment are all taken very seriously as disciplinary matters. This is both because of the danger they pose, and because they’re very disruptive to the people around you. If you’re responsible for fire safety violations and you choose not to take responsibility, the issue won’t go away - it’s likely your flatmates will end up subjected to a formal investigation too. Make sure you understand your fire safety responsibilities, and if you break these rules, own up, so that your flatmates aren’t blamed.

Communication

There are also more subtle things that can contribute to whether or not people consider you a good neighbour. You and your friends and flatmates can also be really affected by how you all communicate about issues. Tensions often worsen when someone’s communication is interpreted as passive aggressive, even if they didn’t mean it that way. Everyone communicates differently, but when tensions are high, people are often less understanding. Behaviours like leaving angry notes around the kitchen, writing sarcastic comments in group chats, and making comments behind people's backs often lead to communal living disagreements getting out of control. It’s also worth bearing in mind that someone else’s inconsiderate behaviour isn’t an excuse to behave badly yourself. If, for example, someone is playing music loudly and keeping you awake, and you retaliate by slamming doors to get revenge when you think they’ll be sleeping, it’s very likely you’ll both end up facing a disciplinary investigation, and the fact that ‘they started it’ won’t mean there are no consequences for you! It's much better to just communicate about what's going on, so you can all move forward together sooner.

If things do go wrong, and you find yourself involved in a dispute with a neighbour, there are better and worse ways of handling it! Try to avoid being drawn into a war of escalating bad behaviour. If someone is acting unreasonably, don’t let your own standards drop. Try speaking to them politely, and if this doesn’t work, have a chat with your Mentor about what’s going on. They can talk you through your options, and help you decide what you want to do. Disputes with neighbours can make you feel quite isolated, but you're not alone, so get some help to make things easier.

There are lots of resources to help you resolve conflict. The Community Living Agreement (CLA) is a useful tool for disputes within the flat, especially anything involving cleanliness or inconsiderate behaviour towards each other. Your Mentor can organise a CLA meeting any time you think you need one, so just drop them an email to explain what’s happening, and why you think it might help. This might be helpful for situations like arguments over cleaning rotas, cupboard space, and other common issues.

Your Mentor can also talk to you about whether you'd like to have a concern meeting to try to find a resolution to your issues. This is a meeting between two or more people who are involved in a dispute of some kind. The meeting is designed to help you agree on a way forward. It’s not about assigning blame, or punishing anyone for what’s happened before. It’s just a chance to work out how to move past it. In a meeting like this, staff will usually meet with everyone and help facilitate a calm, constructive conversation, to help you all get to a point where you feel you can make a plan to resolve things.

In some circumstances, you might find that even after you’ve tried all these options, there are still issues in your flat. If that happens, just reach out to your Mentor to explain that you still need some help. They’ll talk you through your options, including how to formalise a complaint. You can read more about this in our article on reporting misconduct.