How to deal with loneliness living in halls

Moving into halls can be a harsh change for some students, away from their parents and carers. This is especially the case when you are coming to a brand-new country where you know no-one. What do you do if you don’t get on with your flatmates? What do you do if you don’t find a friendship group doing freshers week? Can you even make friends during freshers as someone who doesn’t drink? (Of course you can!)

This article will give some tips and tricks on how to overcome loneliness in halls, and how to make friends on campus.

Join a society!

My biggest piece of advice for anyone who is struggling to make friends on campus is to join society. There are so many incredible clubs to choose from, where you will be able to find like-minded people to spend time with. I joined QMN Netball in my first year of university, and it has given me the most incredible group of girls to spend time with, as well as massively increased my confidence and fitness. Going outside once a week to do fun drills and play games with some amazing girls really improved my mental wellbeing.

If sports are not your calling, there are so many other societies ranging from music to politics, board games to food. There will be a society for you!

If you are really struggling to find a topic you’re interested in (or are overwhelmed with the sheer amount of choice), you can always start by joining an academic society associated with your course. Joining the law society in my first year allowed me to engage with some lovely people to go to lectures and study with.

To join a society, simply go onto the QMUL Student Union website, log in, and find a society for you. Most societies will have joining fee. Most are no more than £15, but sports societies can be quite expensive so that’s something to keep in mind.

Go to Residential Life events

It seems a little biased, but Residential Life events are amazing. If you are a resident living in QMUL halls, there is an incredible range of events that you can go to! Every month we run a cinema trip, where you can go to Genesis cinema completely free of charge, with a whole host of other Queen Mary students! These cinema trips are such a great way to make some movie-loving friends and take a break from the workload of university. We also hold trips to other places in London, this year holding trips to rooftop, London markets and even Ikea.

We at Residential Life also hold cultural events such as Diwali celebrations and Iftar meals, which are perfect opportunities to meet new friends! Furthermore, we hold other exciting events such as Bingo nights, quiz nights and we even held a K-pop singalong night.

The amazing thing about Residential Life events is that so many people come to our events alone to meet new people, so you won’t look remotely out of place if you arrive solo. Residential Life events are such a fantastic way to socialise with new people, try ew activities and have fun. If you are looking to find friends on campus, Residential Life events are a really great way to go.

What do I do if I am not getting on with my flatmates?

The common misconception about coming to university and living in accommodation is that you are going to become best friends with your flatmates. If you are lucky, you will win the flatmate jackpot and make friends for life, but a lot of the time, that doesn’t happen.

Unfortunately, you may live with people that you do not get along with. The most important thing you can do in this situation is practise open communication and speak out when something is bothering you. If a flatmate is being too loud, ask them politely to be quiet. If a flatmate is making a mess of the shared spaces, ask them politely to clean up. If you approach the situation with kindness and respect, you should be able to live with anyone.

My biggest tip when you move into a new flat is to come together and agree on some house rules. For example, always telling the flat when you are having people over, deciding who is getting what shelves in the fridge, what times to be quiet, etc. Having these rules in place from the beginning will mean that it won’t be awkward in the future when a flatmate starts doing something you don’t appreciate.

If you are really finding it difficult to befriend your own flatmates, knock on the flats next to you and introduce yourself. I met my two best friends from university this way.

Join school/building group chats.

This may seem obvious to some, but many people don’t know about university group chats that are made by future students.

There are so many group chats made during the summer for upcoming freshers. These could be building specific (for example, Pooley house group chat), degree specific (for example, law group chat) or exclusive for freshers. These are usually found on Facebook under the name “Queen Mary University of London freshers _year_”.  This way you can find a range of different group chats made by upcoming freshers that are on a range of different platforms.

I used these group chats before coming to university for my first year, and it was so amazing to know people before even getting to London. It made me feel so much more confident and am still best friends with the girl I met on a group chat!

Learn to spend time by yourself!

In university there will be a lot of times where you are on your own. This is something I was not at all prepared for, and something you aren’t often told before going to university.

The best way to feel more comfortable alone is by working up to solo adventures in stages. I started by going to cafes and working alone on my laptop with a coffee. After a while, I was able to go to museums and London landmarks alone.

It can be so scary at first, but the further you go outside of your comfort zone, the more comfortable these things will feel! I went from not being able to go food shopping alone in my first year, to solo travelling around Europe this summer. It really does get better over time!

QMUL Welfare services

If you are struggling in any way, we have excellent Welfare services that are available to all students. Find out more here, and please don’t be afraid to get in touch!