Health and Wellbeing

Dating: The dos and don’ts of on-campus hook-ups

By Konrad 13 Nov 2019

One of the great things about college life is that it automatically brings you into contact with lots of new people. You’re instantly surrounded by people that are around your age and who are probably interested in the same kind of stuff that you are.

When it comes to dating, that means your options for romance or just a bit of fun have been exponentially expanded.

But, as with everything in life, actions have consequences. Let’s take a look at some of the dos and don’ts of on-campus hook-ups.

You’ve seen someone you like and you want to get their attention

● Look for opportunities to talk to them

● See if they appear on whatever dating apps you’re using

Don’t

● Stalk their social media

● Fade into the background and wait for them to notice you

You’ve had a date with someone and you’re interested in taking it further

● Let them know - send them a message or make contact to suggest a second date

● Respect their wishes if they’ve made it clear that they’re not that keen.

Don’t

● Assume that you know what the other person is thinking.

● Hassle them. If they’re not returning your messages, then it’s probably time to stop messaging them.

You’ve had a date with someone and you’re not interested in taking it further

● Let them know in a polite and respectful way.

Don’t

● Ghost them.

● Feel pressured into seeing them again because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

You’ve had sex with someone and you’d like to see them again

● Let them know - be proactive and make it clear that you had a good time.

● Be prepared that it could have been a once-off kind of thing. Not all sexual encounters lead to something more.

Don’t

● Sit around waiting for their call. If you’re not sure where things stand between you, take some action to get clarity.

● Pressure them into anything. If you’re keen for sex but they’re not, it’s time to move on.

You’ve had sex with someone and you don’t want to see them again

● Be honest and up-front. It’s okay to tell someone that there’s not going to be any repeat business. Be polite, not cruel.

Don’t

● Try and avoid them - there’s lots of people on campus but it’s inevitable that you’ll run into people that you’d prefer not to.

● Feel any kind of obligation to have sex with someone just because you said yes last time. Who you have sex with is totally your call.

You’ve had an encounter with someone and it’s left you feeling upset, hurt, or unsafe

● Talk about it. Find a trusted friend or a support officer on campus. Articulate how you’re feeling and get some advice.

● If something has happened that you haven’t consented to, or if you’ve been assaulted in any way, it’s important to take the appropriate steps to report the incident. This helps you take control of the situation, but also helps to protect other students.

Don’t

● Try and ignore it. Bottling up your feelings and emotions is not the right way to deal with anything.

● Assume that you should have done something differently to avoid the situation. You have the right to assume that everyone on campus is going to treat you with respect.

● Feel powerless. Whatever it was that made you feel this way, you’re in charge of what happens next. Articulate your emotions, get advice, take action.

This article has been written by Gareth Johnson for Gaydar.net.