Lifestyle

My eating disorder reality at university

By BethanyBlogger 15 Aug 2019

You apply for university and before you know it, you are moving into student halls.

You drink and socialise your nights away by playing ring of fire, never have I ever and Cards Against Humanity. The hangovers are getting worse and sunrise is quickly becoming your worst enemy. Freshers' Flu is about to attack your immune system, but who cares when you are having the time of your life?

The music is blasting, your heart is thumping and you are enjoying every second of being a student - right?

For some people, this isn't always the case. And it certainly wasn't for me when student life led to my eating disorder.

After accepting my offer to university, I moved my entire life away from home. This was disrupting enough for a creature of habit like myself. However, the thought of meeting new people, making new friends and being in a new environment all together filled me with anxiety. I would lie awake on the nights leading up to Freshers' Week feeling like it was my first day at school all over again. I felt like a tiny fish in an incredibly big pond.

I hadn't even started university when my anxiety was beginning to build. I began to doubt myself, my work and everything else around me. I lost confidence in everything that I was doing and studying for. I began to spend less time at uni and more time running away from my problems. I didn't want to admit the reality - I was becoming more depressed with each passing day and my coping mechanisms were getting increasingly severe. My mental health was deteriorating quickly and my physical health wasn't far behind.

My weight started to drop. I became a shell of the girl I used to be in my first lecture. I was drowning in work and the pressure of student life pushed me to breaking point. My starving body couldn't handle it anymore. I collapsed and was taken to hospital. I didn't want to admit that I had a problem so I continued to bury my head in the sand. My life had become a sadistic circle of self-harm, self-loathing and some quite dark and disturbing thoughts. I didn't know where to turn.

Not long after this, I knew I desperately needed to do something.

The hardest decision I ever made was deciding to drop out of university. I was exhausted and my body needed immediate care and attention. I was finally ready to focus on myself for a while, rather than worrying about everybody else's expectations.

While recovering from the lowest point in my life, I turned to writing. I wanted to write about the struggles I had encountered at university and, hopefully, help someone else out there.

Now, at 22, I have my own house with a loving boyfriend, a well-paid job and a car under my belt. The difficult times in your life will pass. Mental health is a very important subject that I wish had been discussed more when I was a student. Please remember to do what is best for you. That's what I did, eventually, once I no longer cared what people thought of me and expected from me.